This is something I came up with one evening doodling in my Journal. It has stuck with me and made more sense as time has passed. I don't know if it will make any sense in the form above. The idea is that most of us begin our relationship lives looking for someone to make us whole. We are needy and looking for someone who needs us as bad as we need them. When we find that person, we enmesh. We become as one. Enmeshment is selfish and painful. If one pulls away, the other is jerked around. Our nature is not to be half a person made complete by another. We are here to become whole people. Complete individuated. We can go through this process with our partner. In time encouraging each other to become more fully manifest. Pulling out of enmeshment and becoming two complete people together. when this happens successfully, we are united and complete and our bond creates a sum greater than our parts. If one person is responding to a need to become complete, and the other is stuck in enmeshment, the process is painful and destructive. The one feels controlled and restricted, the other feels abandon and rejected. Enmeshment is not sustainable, It takes to much to maintain. When one is moving toward completeness as a human, and the other is threatened by that, the results are often breakup. The one that was moving toward individuation will seek someone else equally individuated to become partnered with. The one still needing enmeshment will seek another to complete them.