Tuesday, May 12, 2009

I have an exact location in the universe. An X,Y,and Z coordinate that pinpoints my location right here where I sit. And I am, at any given moment, occupying a point in the continuum of measured time. Beyond this, I am somewhere along the arc of my own lifespan. Everything that has transpired to this point, in my history, and in the history of my progenitors, and (stretching it out a bit) in history as a sum total, has conspired and transpired to produce the circumstances I now know as the present moment. Everything about what I am is a product of what has preceded. All the circumstances, all the coincidentals, all the conscious and unconscious decisions that have been made by me and by others. Nothing about what has transpired so far is alterable in any way. I am faced with the choice in this present moment to accept and embrace it as it is, or to reject it. But rejecting, criticizing, regretting, wishing it were somehow different, or better, or richer, or whatever…, doesn’t change it. It is what it is. My non acceptance, at any level, I suspect, does, however, tie me to the past in ways that ironically and subtitlly reproduce it. The next moment, the one yet un-experienced is, despite all the inertia of president behind it, wide open. I believe this is the case despite the appearance that the next moment is determined by the one that precedes it. This is likely and predictable, but not inevitable. For instance, It is easy to feel like we are in a rut. Say the work a day rut. “woke up, got out of bed, dragged a comb across my head” sort of rut. But if you think about it, there is nothing actually holding you in that pattern except your decision to hold it. You could, conceivably (and I am not recommending this) turn left instead of at that right turn you allways take going home and just keep going. You would still be what you are, but you would have broken at least one of the pattern/response trajectories. It is helpful for me to think about things in this way, especially when I find myself grumbling about my circumstances or feeling like my life is effectively over (as in they lived happily ever after, or more likely, they worked hard surviving the economic grind and raising kids, and dealing with aging ever after). My idea is to strive to embrace and accept the present circumstances as they are, in as much as I am able, believing that to do so will help free me up to embrace and accept that the next moment is not determined. My hope is that I yet have some powers of creative initiative, in my own measure, to impact the coming moments, or to experience what comes in a receptive way.

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