Sunday, September 5, 2010

Fading intellect and vision clarity. Edges rounding off like river rocks. Teeth wearing chips. So much seems tired. Looking at a fresh day with milky eyes. Remembering when fires burned in frontal lobes. Road trips and sleeping under stars. Steeling America. Stabbed by conscious awareness of waves and waves of history in rocks. Now I ache more. And wonder how I will get through the next days labor. What ailments are catching up with me. What will overcome me. These hands look like some old dudes hands. This face looks like someone else. I don’t remember how all that time passed, or what happened to all the notions of what I would do. When you diss a muse, they say, they are not so inclined to visit. That stands to reason. So I sit in a breeze and hope to be inspired again. Send me an older man's muse, I promise not to piss this one away. Well, maybe I will piss it away. Oh, and about wallowing in depression.... there will be time enough for that when the reaper catches me.

3 comments:

mbspecialgirl said...

when you amuse a dish...

mbspecialgirl said...

well, i'm emerging from under my rock - rather appropriate to start a new dialog with you on a reptilian plain...

John J. Franks IV said...

Well age is the one thing man has yet to conquer. I too see a far different person in the mirror, than the one of years past.

Wiser, More talented? Or is it just weathering? Maybe some of both.

Disheartening certainly, to realize that the person you were is no more, the goals you had been so adamant about faded without notice.

Some goals reached, most others not quite. The actuality of this is depressing and enlightening as well.

It's shows yourself as who you are. Not the one you had necessarily intended. This in and of itself is mentally wearing to say the least.

To come to terms with who you have become is the only real goal at this point. Attempting to improve upon it is a good goal.

Mostly you have become the person you are and that person is good and decent. Far more than most get.
Figuring out that, that is all you get is the pitfall. It is also not a bad thing.

At some point in the aging process our minds tend to become limited, in the ability to invoke real honest change. Not that it can no longer be achieved, just that you have grown into your own ways and rhythms and you tend to stick to them. Easier to go with the known, rather than take a chance.

It is your comfort zone that keeps you where you are. To veer off from it means the possibility of failure and depression.

Change at this age does not come easy, to toss caution to the wind is no longer the norm. Risk taking has become less important in the face of survival.

Change is also not as welcome as it once was, feeling certain in your path has become far more important. Risking yourself and your situation, tend to be the things fables are made of.

Welcome to the real world! In general it SUX! But, you can make your part of it as pleasant as possible. The Real World dictates.

Priorities, Money, Family, Responsibilities , Children, and Accountability.

These things have taken over your once idealistic endeavors. Creating new ones and demanding that you be the person you need to, rather than the one you had envisioned.