Thursday, July 7, 2011

I acquiesce. You ask me how it can be that this thing has been allowed to happen and the only answer I can give is that I acquiesce. It is not as if there was one big acquiescence. It isn’t like that. You don’t just arrive at a point and make a big fat harry submission. The point to which you are referring came as a result of ten thousand little acquiescence’s. An allowance here to get there. A submittal there to get to another there. It’s as if you were crossing a vast lake on lily pads hopping like a frog from one to the next and then someone, after ten thousand hops asks “why did you just hop from that particular lily pad?” To answer that question would require a retracing back of ten thousand hops to explain why this last hop made sense. It’s like the way synapses get formed in the brain to create thoughts. An electrical current jumps from one cell to another cell because the other cell is the one that was present at the time and the next synapse is based on the previous ones and the next comes about by what preceded it. And so on until you think a certain thought. No thought is pure and unadulterated by the entire history of thoughts that precede it. But that said, I can say that I own the act of acquiescence. I made that choice over and over. I chose to allow rather than draw a line and resist. I chose to submit rather than to insist on my alternative wish. For whatever reasons lead a person to be like this. It is what I did. And if I had done differently, the outcome would, no doubt, have been different. But I did not do it differently. My will was to acquiesce. And that remained my will until the point at which the circumstances became what they are.

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