Sunday, June 20, 2010

It is hard, sometimes, to remember that I believe this one thing; that I am actively creating this disposition. This attitude, this conscious state of being. No one else is doing it for me. Or to me. Not the government or the people in my life. No, it is me making the space between my ears just what it is. Being aware of what my conscious state of being actually is, strangely enough, is not as obvious as it seems it should be. There is this little trick. It goes like this. I indulge the lesser elements of attitude and disposition, resentments, self-pity, a feeling of helplessness, ect.ect. And in no time I am in a funk of negative outlook. Then I do everything I can to numb myself to the reality of the conscious state of being I have created. It’s hard to remember that I can choose to create a pleasant disposition just as I can choose to create a negative one. The thing is that the negative one is the default setting. So to do the positive one I have to over ride the default setting and consciously attempt to write a different sequence of prompts. In any given moment I can be at peace or miserable. I can be stressed out or at ease. I can be positive and hopeful, or mired down in the bog of eternal stench. The difference is not external to me. The difference is not circumstances, or luck of the draw, or what the world has in store for me this day or that. The difference is what my efforts have been at creating the disposition I am experiencing.

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